Torn

I started back to work this past week.  It has been the week I dreaded all summer!

I dreaded it even more last Friday when I opened my school email to find that it was going to be one long week of training i.e. Counselor's Academy.  Being a part-timer I am used to having a couple of days off to break up the potentially very long work week. So instead of an ease back into work I was smacked right in the face EVERY morning this past week when my alarm went off at 6:40.

I'll be honest.  The week wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  It was actually kind of nice to get some really good FWISD training all at one time.  This is the first time since I was hired in August 2011 that it has actually happened.  The take away is that I think I will go into this new school year feeling a little more indoctrinated into the FWISD goals and climate.

The big down side was not seeing Jackson much.  Now, I know more what it is like to be a full-time working mom.  Essentially, you see your children for like 3 maybe 4 hours a day!  3 hours!!!  That's nuts!  Luckily, Aaron has been off this week, so I didn't have to drag J out of bed every morning.  It was so great that J and Daddy got to spend some good quality time together without Mommy.  It was also nice that my mom and Ali didn't have to watch him so many days like I had originally thought.

The reason I feel so torn at times is because when I start thinking about my job I really do get excited.  There are so many aspects of my job that I love!!!  Because I really want to do the best job possible, sometimes I wish I was full-time to really do all that I would like to do.  There are times I just don't get to do everything I want to do in two and a half days.

Now, do I really want to work full-time?  Not really.  I wouldn't get to see J grow up like I would want to.  Just after a week a way from him I feel like I missed a lot!!!  While I am torn at times, I know the best thing for our family now is for me to be at home.  I wouldn't trade spending time and really knowing J for anything.  I just feel so incredibly blessed to be able to do both.  How many other mommies are able to do that?